You talkin’ to me?
GARETH That was my stock reply when my actors would ask me a question. There’s a bit in the film where Damian’s character is making a date-movie video and, you know, it’s sort of Travis Bickle lite.
Do you feel lucky, punk?
DAMIAN I feel incredibly lucky. There were times when I’d romanticise making a feature film with my brother. He’d written a film and was going to direct and I was going to act in it. It seemed an incredibly privileged thing to be doing...
G …and to work on such a quality script.
D Ugh, the material...Rewrites every morning!
Play it again, Sam…
G That’s not right.
D It’s “Play it, Sam.” Play It Again, Sam is Woody Allen. Woody works nice hours. He wraps at four.
G I heard he falls asleep at four… But the guy’s churning out movies. You’d think at some point he’d realise that a bit more script development might be in order. But his early stuff is pure genius. He’s one of my heroes.
What if you could go back in time and take those hours of pain and darkness and replace them with something better?
G You gotta be kidding. I love pain and darkness!
D You can’t have one without the other.
G As my wife will testify, there’s this perception that if you write comedy, you’re a fluffy person who’s always seeing the funny side. But actually what happens is comedy gets sucked out of you and it doesn’t leave a lot of laughs.
You ever danced with the devil by the pale moonlight?
G Not since I was married.
D There was a time – when you got married and had children and I was just running around being irresponsible – I felt like your younger brother. It was quite interesting and then a bit alarming. Then I got married. I didn’t get married just to feel older again – I’d like to make that clear in case my wife reads this. I fell in love with a beautiful girl.
What is the last thing you do remember?
G Changing a nappy at 2.35am last night.
D I found myself stroking rare-breed sheep and pigs and goats somewhere on the edge of Tenby.
G I thought you were going to say somewhere on the edge of sanity...
D Somewhere on the edge of my bed! I saw a furry pig for the first time.
G It’s amazing – the names people come up with for their private parts.
D My wife and I, we have little romantic nicknames for each other.
G “Put the ‘Hairy Pig’ away!”
You either surf or you fight...
D Huey Lewis?
G No, the helicopters in Apocalypse Now. Coppola had a breakdown and Sheen had a heart attack. It makes our whole little experience seem quite parochial and lovely. It was just like one big hug, wasn’t it?
I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse…
G Well, that’s basically what I did to Damian. If you hadn’t done the film, you would have had to answer to our dad.
D I actually made Gareth the offer. I said, “I will be in your film.” That was the extent of my magnitude.
G I knew what he meant was, “I expect the favour returned, when I’m down on my luck and you’re riding your star. I expect you to reinvent me like Travolta and Tarantino.”
D In a surfing movie.
I took the liberty of bullshitting you. (The Blues Brothers).
G Would you see yourself as Jake or Elwood?
D Elwood was Aykroyd. Dan Aykroyd was funny.
G You’re definitely Jake.
D Oh, I’m dead.
G Yeah, you’re a bloated drug addict. Hey, didn’t we have that great swim in the pool next to where Belushi died? Oh baby, that was so money.
D Naked swimming at Chateau Marmont, with the spirit of John looking over us.
G Those were the days.